


Kyle's Boomin' Crisis

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [24]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Pizza Place, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Bad Writing, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Childhood Friends, Cocaine, College, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Crack, Dark Comedy, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Drinking Games, Drugs, Excessive Drinking, Face-Fucking, Friendship, Fucking, Gang Rape, Good Writing, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Heavy Drinking, Heroin, Hostage Situations, House Party, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Late Night Writing, Marijuana, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Original Universe, Other, Party, Partying, Pizza, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Drugs, Shooting Guns, Skull Fucking, Small Towns, Smoking, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Weapons, Writing, Writing Exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:34:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28061019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: It was the end of Kyle’s online semester.  Although it felt like an eternity, Kyle couldn’t help but think that it flew by faster than a bear on cocaine.  While studying for his finals, Kyle felt a sudden pain in his stomach.  Having only eaten a small sandwich for lunch, Kyle was extremely hungry.  Kyle picked up his phone and ordered a large pizza for dinner.  After doing so, he called up the boys and invited them over to eat the pizza and drink with him after.  All of them agreed, but for the time being, Kyle had to study hard for his final.  Little did he know the events that would soon take place...
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981
Kudos: 1





	Kyle's Boomin' Crisis

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the other stories of Kyle's Boomin' Adventures

Kyle’s Boomin’ Crisis

It was the end of Kyle’s online semester. Although it felt like an eternity, Kyle couldn’t help but think that it flew by faster than a bear on cocaine. While studying for his finals, Kyle felt a sudden pain in his stomach. Having only eaten a small sandwich for lunch, Kyle was extremely hungry. Kyle picked up his phone and ordered a large pizza for dinner. After doing so, he called up the boys and invited them over to eat the pizza and drink with him after. All of them agreed, but for the time being, Kyle had to study hard for his final.

Kyle barely studied the entire semester. He tried his best in the beginning, however once Kyle got a job at Parker’s Farmers Market, he stopped caring about his education. After Kyle’s parents were on his ass about finding a job, he finally buckled down and applied for a cashier position at the local farmers market. Kyle started to notice he tried harder at a minimum wage cashier job than he ever did with school. Seeing no need for education anymore, Kyle stopped caring. However since both his parents had dueling menstrual cycles and dick sucked Kyle’s school, he had to pass in order to not get shot in the face. Luckily for Kyle, most classes were easy, allowing him to study partially. However one final would be impossible to ignore, Kyle’s Spanish oral exam. For his Spanish class, Kyle had to log onto Zoom and answer questions in Spanish for his professor. Having no way to cheat, Kyle was stuck having to study. While Kyle was reviewing his notes and memorizing the questions, he got a call from an unknown number. Since it was in the area, Kyle answered. 

“Hello?” Kyle asked, confused as to who was calling him.

“Yes is this Kyle?” The man on the other end asked.

“Uh yeah?” 

“Hi I’m with Olivia’s Pizza, so my driver can’t get into any of the entrances into your neighborhood. Apparently a hostage situation is currently going on.” The pizza guy said out of the blue.

“Um, what?” Kyle asked in a blend of confusion and shock.

“Yea apparently a house in your neighborhood is being surrounded by the Feds, there are hostages in the basement. Your entire neighborhood is closed.” The pizza guy explained. 

“Um, okay.” Kyle responded, still trying to process the information that was given to him.” 

“Yea that’s not something you get told every day haha. Well anyway we’ll wait an hour and if things die down we’ll send out the pizza again.” 

“Alright sounds good.”

Kyle hung up the phone, still trying to comprehend the news that he had just received. A hostage situation in Parkersville New Jersey is the last thing anyone would think of occurring. Parkersville was the stereotypical “white suburbia.” Seemingly happy white families roamed the streets, walking their dogs, being very racist towards Kyle yet pandered heavily to minorities, voting for both Obama and Biden in the past. The idea that someone would own a gun and keep a person imprisoned in their basement was absurd. Already planning on having the boys over, Kyle assembled the group. 

“Dude there is a fucking army of SWAT members outside that house.” Jon commented.

“I in good consciousness can’t sit here while these assholes hold up my fucking pizza order.” Kyle stated.

“Hey guys, we have guns, remember?” Nick reminded the group. 

“Oh yea.” Gianni responded.

“Well we have to think of a plan then.” Mark stated.

“Here’s what I’m thinking, we climb over the back fence and break into the house. Once we get in we shoot the kidnapper freeing the hostages.” Kyle explained. 

“That’s good and all, but you forgot one thing. The entire place is surrounded, we can’t get in.” Jon stated.

“Honestly fuck it. What happens happens.” Malcolm said.

“Alright.” Jon said, giving up. 

The boys grabbed rifles and handguns, they walked toward the scene of the crime. It was the middle of the day and all the neighbors were locked inside their houses. The boys walked down the middle of the street carrying a gun in their hands. While walking to the site, a cop saw this sight and approached them. 

“Um excuse me, would you mind telling me what in the fuck you guys are doing?” The cop asked. 

“We’re going to the hostage crisis and saving the day.” Mark commented.

“You know what fuck it, I retire tomorrow.” The cop replied.

“Bet let’s go then.” Jay commented.

The boys climbed the fence and broke the back window. Having no trouble getting in they wandered the house. The house seemed normal on the first and second stories. The rooms were well furnished and decorated, as if a nuclear family lived in the house. However the boys could hear noise coming from the basement. Through the door, the boys could hear a man screaming while many others cried in fear. They had found the scene of the crime. The boys huddled by the door in order to plan their next move. 

“Okay, I say we bait the bad guys up the stairs and we cap them one by one.” Kyle said.

“Yea that sounds like a good idea.” Gianni said while munching on food.

“Gianni are you eating their food?!” Jon asked.

“Uh, yea?” Gianni responded.

“What the fuck Gianni?! Do you know how fucked up that is?!” Jon whispered ecstatically. 

“What? I was hungry.” Gianni responded.

“Guys. guys! Please, let’s focus here. We need to figure out how to strategically get these guys.” Kyle snapped.

“I’m one of the cool kids!!!” Malcolm shouted, kicking down the door running in.

“God damnit Malcolm! Fuck we have to go in now!” Mark yelled. 

The boys ran in guns blazing only to see that the kidnappers had more powerful guns. Malcolm, realizing what he ran into, missed all of his gunshots and pissed his pants. The kidnappers held their guns at the boys and tied them to a pipe on the wall. Kyle observed the room from a hostage view point. 

The room was filled with bags of cocaine and heroin. Guns were scattered everywhere along with men who seemed to be a part of the drug ring. The prior hostages were tied to a corner and gagged so they could not speak. The entire drug cartel left the room except for one, who stayed back to integrate the boys. Wearing a hoodie covering his face, the cartel member took out a gun and cocked it. He slowly lowered his hood, the boys were astonished with what they saw. 

“God dammit it’s fucking Pawlie!” Kyle shouted.

“Jesus this is like the third time right?” Pawlie asked.

“Yea you’ve had us hostage like three times now. And looking back on the past times this happened, I think we’re gonna walk out of this just fine.” Jon commented.

“Is that so?” Pawlie asked.

“Just give it a minute.” 

“So who sent you?” Pawlie asked.

“What?” Kyle asked.

“Obviously someone sent you, what was their motive?!” Pawlie yelled. 

“You stalled my pizza order for two hours you asshole.” Kyle responded.

“Fuck your pizza!” Pawlie yelled.

“Fuck your drug ring.” Kyle calmly responded. 

“Look, I don’t have time for your shenanigans. I have a drug ring to run and I can’t have you idiots distracting me.” Pawlie explained.

“Looks like you’re doing a shit job since the cops already know about it.” Nick commented. 

“That’s it! Guards! Rape Malcolm!!!.” Pawlie yelled. 

Two guards walked into the basement and picked up Malcolm. Unable to move, Malcolm started to squirm like an eel in a desperate attempt to escape. The two guards threw Malcolm into a broom closet and shut the door. The boys sat in listened as Malcolm squealed like a pig getting tag teamed by two guys the size of John Cena. Once they were done, the guards walked upstairs, Malcolm was left crying on the floor. Unable to move, the boys sat tied to a pole for two hours. Although the boys were tied up, they could still move their arms to a certain degree. After sitting around a few more minutes, a phone started to ring. The boys started feeling their pockets the best they could in order to see if the call was for them. Kyle was able to reach and get his phone out of his pocket. With the phone on the floor looking up, Kyle kneeled over and looked at who it was.

“God fucking damnit it’s Nancy fucking Drew!” Kyle yelled.

“Fuck! And here I thought we were saved.” Nick commented.

“Now hold on, Kyle answer it. Maybe she’d be willing to help us here.” Gianni advised.

“Fine. I see it as a lost cause however.” Kyle responded, proceeding to answer the call.” 

“Hey boomer!!!” Nancy chirped through the phone excitedly.

“What do you want Nancy?” Kyle asked unenthused.

“I’ve really missed you! I can’t wait to see you again!” Nancy said.

“Speaking of that you know how you’ve said you’re here for me?” Kyle asked.

“Of course, Kyle, I’m always here for you.” Nancy stated.

“Well I need your help.” 

“What’s wrong?”

“So me and the boys are trapped in a basement being held hostage, can you come break us out?”

“Ummmm nope!” Nancy chirped with a smile on her face, proceeding to giggle like an idiot. 

“Come on this is serious.” Kyle responded. 

“Awwww, is Kyle upset Nancy won’t help him?” Nancy asked in a babying voice, something she commonly did to Kyle.

“Go back to crying alone in your bedroom listening to The Smiths you cunt.” Kyle grunted before hanging up the phone. 

“Love you too Kyle!” Nancy shouted before giving two kisses through the phone.

“I told you that was a lost cause.” Kyle hissed.

“Well now hold on, let’s see if we can call someone else and get them to help us.” Mark offered.

“Like who?” Jay asked.

“We could try Tom.” Nick offered.

“Nah, he caps heavy. He’d say he’d come yet bail almost immediately after.” Mark stated.

“How about Colin?” Gianni asked.

“That might work, he’s not really doing anything.” Jay stated. “He’s literally just getting stoned in his indoor movie theatre playing Call of Duty.”

“That might work, Kyle call him.” Jon instructed. 

“Bet.” Kyle responded while calling Colin. 

“Yo, what’s good?” Colin asked.

“You know the hostage situation currently going on in Parkersville?” Kyle asked.

“Yea?” Colin responded.

“Yea we’re in that. Can you bust us out?” Kyle asked. 

“Damn, I mean I’m so fucking high right now. But I think I can manage.” Colin responded.

“Ight bet.

The boys sat in the basement for ten minutes as Colin tried to find the place. Some fell asleep while others stared at the vast amounts of narcotics in the room. Out of nowhere gunshots fired and yelling occurred. The basement door was kicked down, Colin stood victorious with two machine guns in his hand. Colin untied the boys and brought them upstairs.

As it turned out, Colin approached the head of the FBI and told them he was in charge. The tactic worked and Colin took two FBI machine guns and busted through the front door. A shootout occurred and everyone was killed except for Pawlie, who ran out the back window and into the woods. The police, SWAT, and FBI left immediately leaving only the boys at the house. Since the real owner was out of town, the boys went back inside and took weed from the basement. They boys raided the fridge which happened to be filled with beer. Kyle called the pizza place and had them deliver his pie to the new house. The rest of the night, the boys partied in someone else's house, celebrating the fact that they survived a hostage crisis. 

  
  


I hope you enjoyed my Boomin’ Hostage Crisis. This actually happened in my town.

  
  



End file.
